Monthly Archives: January 2019

#7 and 8

29 Tuesday Jan 2019

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#7 Younger Next Year by Crowley & Lodge, 2007

The next third.  

It’s the season I am wading into and this book promises to help men thrive in the final third of their lives.  Who knew it was a book for males?  The cover gave no hint.  But I was intrigued and read on.

When I was in my 20s and 30s I had no grand aspirations to live a lengthy or healthy life.  But now that I’m here, I have grown awfully accustomed to living.  Now at 59, I have the desire to have a body that is cooperative.

Each decade has brought more joys than struggles.  My late 40s were some of my favorite years.  In my early 40s I found joy in the journey of seminary.  My 20s had me snow skiing in the Rockies a couple times for an entire week – and my early 30s had me working a lot so that Tom could go to seminary full-time.  It was a tough time in many ways living in the Deep South, being a self-identified Midwesterner.  But during that time I enjoyed working with recovering addicts and singing in a choir.  In my 20s I married the man of my dreams, never thinking he’d go for someone as dysfunctional as I was at the time.   My teen years have some fun memories, but can I just tell you how glad I am to not have to repeat that decade ever again!  My 50s brought hourly hot flashes but it’s sizing up to be my favorite decade thus far in spite of them.

Now here I sit, looking forward to being a sexagenarian in less than a year, and I am enjoying getting fit.  I know I could never do this without the strength of the Almighty or my Weight Watcher community, and I know that if my mindset is not doing battle every day, I could easily revert to old behaviors that render me miserable. I have to come to grips with the fact that I cannot eat “white stuff” as much as I want.  Neither, can I keep cookie dough in the fridge.  Tom reminds me that I have an addictive personality.  Perhaps this quote from the book should be my current motto:  

“For those who are given to excess, abstinence is easier than moderation.”

Just these past two weeks, I have been creeping up ever so slowly in my weight loss journey.  And for the past two nights I have overindulged in ways that are not beneficial.  Indulging every now and then shouldn’t hurt, but my personality screams: every night!  See the struggle?!  I do.  So this morning, I set a few goals for the next 18 hours, and will go from there.  Lord willing.

Back to the book and a few takeaways that I plan to implement now and later. 

Snow skiing. 

Later. 

I thought that was a thing of the past until this book.  I’ve planned to snow ski with most of my favorite people in eternity.  But if the author of Younger Next Year can enjoy skiing in his seventies, surely I could too! I’ve already persuaded my friend, Sharon, to go with me for at least a week in the Rockies some time in the distant future.  As of last night, Elisabeth is on board too!  Woo hoo!    

Now.

I started putting an incline on my treadmill for at least one lap.  Not that I enjoy it, but the book said to do it, so I did.  I started lifting a few weights.  But then I started feeling some aches while sleeping, so I stopped.  Perhaps I need a personal trainer – definitely a recommendation from the book – but I’m cheap. 

And finally, I decided to write out my own rules for living because Harry Lodge gives you his.  If you’re interested, here are his: 

1.  Exercise six days a week for the rest of your life.

2.  Do serious aerobic exercise four days a week for the rest of your life.

3.  Do serious strength training, with weights, two days a week for the rest of your life.

4.  Spend less than you make.

5.  Quit eating crap.

6.  Care.

7.  Connect and commit.

Here are mine:

1. Live all of life in the presence of God.   

2. Practice what you love.   

3.  When you mess up, start over.   

4. Don’t verbalize everything you are thinking.

5.  Don’t think that everything you are thinking is right thinking.

6.  Repent often.

7.  Surround yourself with exceptional people of all ages.

8.  Minister to those needing ministering to.

9.  Practice gratitude.

10. Set goals.

#8 Changes that Heal, Henry Cloud, 1990

Great book.  I recommend reading it! It’s Tom’s favorite book this year, buying many copies so he can give them out to his friends and enjoy conversing over its contents.  I like Dr. Cloud’s perspective on who God is and the human condition.

Lots of takeaways, but the kind that quickly escape my memory.  So, I wrote all my favorite quotes on two pages of my 2019 Reading Journal, and I think they are blog worthy: 

And I Quote:

There is nothing further away from the heart of God than a theology divorced from love and compassion.

Since we often do what we know is wrong, rules rarely keep us in line.  Love does a much better job of keeping us moral.

When we are isolated from God and others it is impossible to feel joy.

Distorted thinking blocks you from relating to others. We must take responsibility for our faulty thinking and work on correcting it.

The Holy Spirit empowers you to change and to come out from bondage of your old ways of being.

If we do not feel like we have a choice, we feel we are out of control of our lives and we resent the ones we perceive as being in control of us.  Denying choice, and it renders us powerless and resentful.

Ownership is crucial in creating boundaries.  On the one hand, people who are not allowed to own their own thoughts, feelings, attitudes, behaviors, desires, and choices never develop a true sense of responsibility.

The victim mentality keeps many people stuck in their pain.

If we feel responsible for other people’s feelings, we can no longer make decisions based on what is right.

The “name it claim it” gospel makes God into our servant and denies his boundaries and choices.  God often says no for reasons we may not understand; his refusal to grant our wish doesn’t mean that we do not have enough faith.  Ask Jesus in the garden of Gethsemane.

Stop blaming others.

Create goals for yourself and set about accomplishing them with continued, patient effort.  Perseverance creates discipline and responsibility.  Perseverance creates character.

Decide what your values are going to be and work toward your goals.

If we demand perfection from ourselves we are not dealing in the real world.

A good witness is a sinner who witnesses not to show how victorious he is, but how forgiving God is.

Seeking the approval of God and not trying to please others is an important aspect of growing into adulthood.

#5 and #6

21 Monday Jan 2019

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#5 The Top Ten Mistakes Leaders Make by Hans Finzel 2007

Why another book on leadership?

They grab me.  I like hearing about what other people think and do in order to be successful.   I am ever in search of formulas—even though I know there’s not one—or secret keys to a better you.  That type of stuff.  Not that they work, or that I buy into many of their methods.  It’s just too easy to be a sloth and plunge head first into habits that render me useless.  BUT!  His mercies are new every morning, so here I go again, picking up a book that doesn’t really speak to where I am in life and career today.  And, surely it will have some gems and takeaways that I can pray into my life for now or save for later.  That’s how I do it when I read.  I intentionally pray—usually not out loud: “God, I want that.”

Here is my favorite takeaway from the book: 

“Great leaders … inspire us to go places we would never go on our own and attempt things we never thought we had in us.”

I’ve had some wonderful leaders in my life. I began taking stock and thanking God for them.  Like the one who gave me this book, my professor and friend, John.  I asked him for this book when I was packing up his office about five years ago.  He said, “it’s yours.”  Never was there a man as kind as he, as I sat in his preaching classes.  The only female.   The affirmation I received during that season of my life was invaluable.  His encouragement made me think that God had gifted me in ways I didn’t have the guts to dream for myself. He embodied this “great leader” theme for me personally.

Then there was the guy who appointed me to be a dean in a seminary.  Against all odds—and even opposition—he promoted me to this wonderful position shortly after I graduated with a masters of divinity degree. 

I loved Frank’s leadership style.  He embodies this book. Specifically, he is a servant leader.  Now watching him on TV these past two weeks as he led the Colts in a great comeback to be in the NFL playoffs, I can still see he is that kind of leader.  One of my favorite memories was when I went to him, telling him that a member of his staff was about to loose it due to the heavy load that was put on her.  His immediate response was, “tell me what to do.”  So I did, and he quickly implemented my suggestions.   I love that!  Will never forget it.  Oh, and there is that time he sang the country song, “I Wanna Talk About Me.”  Indeed a moment that is seared into mind.  I digress.  Frank was always encouraging as a leader.  He let me know with certainty that if I messed up, he would quickly have my back.  The trajectory of my life was changed because of his influence, and I will be grateful forever.  That’s what great leaders do.  They lift other people up. They inspire. They delight in shining the light outwardly, not inwardly. 

Now, in case you’re wondering what it is that leaders SHOULD be doing, I’ve put a positive spin on the author’s top ten list: 

1. Be a servant leader.

2. Be a people-first leader.

3. Affirm others.

4. Appreciate mavericks.

5.  Involve others in decision-making.

6.  Delegate—no micromanaging.

7. Communicate often.

8. Evolve and escape corporate culture.

9. Groom your successors.

10. Prepare for the future.

#6 Everybody Always by Bob Goff – 2017

I listened—not read—Everybody Always as I walked my treadmill.  My friend, Julia, recommended it.  I enjoy watching Julia love everybody always.  

Bob Goff is positively delightful to listen to while walking.  He loves well.  I can’t tell you how well he loves.  I think it’s a gift.  Because without gifting from the Holy Spirit, I don’t think it is possible to love like this. 

This is the kind of love I need to be praying for in my own life.  We all could use a dose of what this guy is selling, and it Jesus with skin on.  He errs on the side of love.  He loves the unlovable.  Talk about needing a role model to emulate – I believe this guy is it for this present age.  Here’s one of the things I love about him:  he has office hours at Disneyland once a week!  He just goes there to hang out and if anyone wants to come hang with him, they know where to find him.  Ha!   

This is the kind of book I come away from needing to repent for my own unloving heart and then partner with my Savior to look more like him to those I’d prefer to avoid.  Such a hard balance.  But I do believe the more we are His, the more we are strengthened spiritually to love everybody always.

#3 and #4

14 Monday Jan 2019

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#3 Don’t Waste Your Life by Piper 2003

Definitely a God Pick.

Because I needed it.

The day before I picked this book up, I was defiant and insistent about something that may be about to happen. I wasn’t happy about it, and wanted desperately to try and make sure that this thing wouldn’t become a reality.

When you read a book like this, you start feeling really, really small and self-absorbed. Oddly enough, however, not in a self-defeating way. In a way that makes you want to throw yourself at the mercy of God and say “OK, God, have it your way.” I can say this because I know that God’s ways are truly higher and better. And that is always true. Not just capital “T” True, as in “the Bible tells me so,” but in the lower case “t” because my life tells me so also. Just when I think the bottom may fall out of the way I think things should go, God impresses upon my soul this notion: “I got this.” That is what I have heard him say over and over in the past few years – perhaps it should be my new theme – perhaps I should write that on my pottery this year – which by the way – I made another goal – to write something “God-Like” on every piece – or at least the majority of the pieces.

Read this book! I’ve heard that it makes some people feel guilty about their retirement plans, but it didn’t me. It made me realize how blessed I am to have a God who wants me to be part of His plan. He’s very inclusive, and truly does know what is best for every human who seeks to follow Him with her whole heart. You know, that may be it. Your whole heart is what He requires. And there’s the rub. We often want to reserve some portion of our heart, our lives, our desires for just us. We say, this far God, and no farther. That’s not how it works (my opinion) – perhaps it does for you – but it doesn’t for me. Perhaps my favorite childhood hymn knew it all along:

Trust and obey for there’s no other way to be happy in Jesus.

Happy in Jesus. That’s the theme of this book. I pray that is the goal of my life.   Pottery writing worthy? Surely.

#4 Dare to Lead by Brene Brown 2018

I started Brene’s latest book—audibly—a couple months ago, and just finished it. Mostly I listen to her at the beginning of a nap – or falling off to sleep at night. I didn’t download it because of the title—Dare to Lead—but because Brene was reading it.

I like her.  I have since I first heard her on a Ted Talk several years ago. She talked about vulnerability.   Go watch it for yourself, because surely my recollection is foggy at best.

Brene is a Christian but I have a feeling our views on Scripture and other things sacred may not line up completely. That doesn’t stop me from admiring her. You see, she spent some of her childhood in New Orleans too – and I feel a connection with women who have grown up in that very unusual town. Just watch the New Orleans Saints fans on tv to see what I’m talking about.

In the first part of the book, she shares a drill team tryout experience that left her young soul shattered. I too tried out at my junior high school in NOLA but was cut in the first round. I know I was bad and it didn’t leave me shattered. But Brene was good at it and she was cut because she wasn’t “their type.” Here’s the thing I love about this story. It was hard and crushing – yet it didn’t render her an ineffective wreck. Some of my most admired humans are those who had it hard, yet have risen above it all and prospered in spite of it.

Life is hard. Especially in childhood!

Some have it harder than others. And you know what’s weird? Many who have not had it so hard—children who were over indulged or over coddled—often, those are the ones who seem to have it harder in adulthood.   I can actually remember my own pity party several years back as I thought about aspects of my own adolescent woes. But thanks be to God, he opened my eyes after a short while, and I realized that no trial need be wasted, even those childhood ones.

It is because of my union with Jesus that I have the power to move on. To throw off those hurts and trials that can easily render me ineffective. And often they do for a time, but that is when I pray the most, because I hate living joyless. And letting this world get the better of me can surely bring me to new lows.

Brene’s vulnerability soapbox has brought her great success. I like it. But, being vulnerable can hurt. For a little while. Being vulnerable also helps us to “get real.” Grieve if you need to, be honest about what you are thinking and feeling, but then allow God to do his wondrous work of transformation in you. He wastes nothing.

#1 & #2

08 Tuesday Jan 2019

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#1 The Ten Minute Trainer by Bowman 2005

I chose my first book for one reason. It was on loan to me almost a year ago and it is past time to return it. I started it as soon I got it, but only read a dozen pages. It is more of a resource book, and I think I got the premise pretty quickly:   If you want to keep anyone’s attention, you need to do it in 10 minute intervals. And, here’s a bunch of fun and quirky ways to break up your teaching. Yes I enjoyed it and yes, I learned a lot – and yes, I came away from many of its pages by praying that the Lord let me be a “teacher” again one day. I’m thinking my 8th decade. So as I get a jump on my 7th decade, I shall take books like this one and file them away in my soul, and hope that God helps me to pull them out when He grants me that long term goal of some sort of “speaking” when I am 70.

I don’t really want to talk about the book, even though I recommend it. I want to talk about the person who gave it to me. Betsy. I’m not sure there is another parishioner that loves me as well as Betsy does. Even when I say that, I can picture in my head Betsy’s mom (Vicky) telling me, “oh, she loves you.” That was after I told Vicky how much I loved her daughter. Betsy knows how to love well. So, when my church hired her to be the Director of Women’s Ministries last spring, selfishly I thought – I get to be with Betsy every Tuesday at staff meeting!   Not only is Betsy a great lover of souls, she is a gifted Bible teacher. While it is obvious she puts hours and hours of preparation into every minute of teaching, it’s also obvious that she seeks wholeheartedly to walk her talk. And her talk is Jesus. I find it such a pleasure to watch her grow in grace, and do look forward to seeing her in her 6th decade and teaching the word of God (she’s a lot younger than me).

#2 Soar by T.D. Jakes. 2017

Tom asked me to buy this book last year –it’s a new book –very current – even makes references to Facebook! Love that! even though I hate Facebook. I think Tom probably saw Bishop Jakes on Dr. Phil and asked me to buy it. Not that the details of why its on my shelf are essential – or that I feel the need to apologize for reading someone not in “my own camp of choice” – but sometimes televangelists are lumped in one bucket and we just as soon put a lid on the bucket and bury it deep in the backyard. But I like this saint. Every time I see him on TV he seems kind and humble and genuine. So, I thought, let’s pick it up and read it!

On every page I can hear his voice. He writes like I picture him, and I like that. If he were to read his own books on audible, I’d get it and go to sleep by it, because that’s how soothing he is to my soul.   But, surprise surprise, this book is about being an entrepreneur. Who knew? Not I. So, I gladly took his words of wisdom and thought about my pottery and wondering if one day it will become a real business. I don’t know. But I hope it doesn’t happen any time soon. It’s nice to have an avocation that doesn’t have to produce money. It’s nice to be able to gift the plumber and the heating and air folks who come to my house and serve us well. Our fabulous gardener, Joel, has quite a few pieces. Just last week, the day after Christmas, I brought my little bowls to my WW family. This morning, I was received with gratitude and pictures of how they are using their piece. Can I just tell you how much that warms my heart and soul! But, back to TDJ, I love him and if I don’t meet him until eternity I shall hope to spend an afternoon with him sharing the joy he brought me as I read his book in my first week of my 2019 goal. I shall consider it a God-thing that I had it and chose it.