Monthly Archives: February 2019

#13 and 14

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#13 Dealing with Difficult People by Charles J. Keating, 1984

My how times have changed. The author’s use of both “he” and “she” pronouns had me thankful that “they” don’t do that anymore. I’m waiting for the day when we do away with “quote marks” too. We’ve come a long way since 1984–my first full year of marriage–by the way.

My favorite chapter of the book was his thoughts on dealing with people in light of the Myers Briggs Personality Preference Inventory (MBTI). Reading this section greatly entertained my own personality preference. It’s the preference that wants to take every personality test out there and prove to myself–and others–that I really am a fun-loving, easy going person. I’m like my departed grandmother when she asked every visitor that ever entered her home, how old you think I am? But I do it with personality styles.

I’m a High I. Sanguine. Otter.   ENFP.

So, when my dear friend, Nancy, encouraged me to take a turn doing staff devotions, I decided to have a fun-filled MBTI party instead of preach something from the Old or New Testament. At this season in my life, I don’t feel called to expound on the Word of God to our pastors and staff. Not that I ever felt called to such a calling. My speed in this season is more touchy/feely kumbiyah-ish. Which I now realize makes others think we ENFPs don’t really have much of an intellect. But do you know how hard it can be to give a “talk” that looks like you just threw it together? Hours upon hours are spent over writing and re-writing. OK, maybe minutes upon minutes. Once in front of an audience that’s all I seem to want to do is enjoy, and tap into my inner-comic. You know, I think if I were brave and self-assured, I would have been a stand-up-comic. But I’m neither brave nor self-assured (that was obvious when I decided I shouldn’t jump on a trampoline at 60). But. Life’s not over. I do think the older I get, the braver I get, and not that I get self-assured, but perhaps I’d call it God-assured. That feeling you get when you know that you know God takes great delight in using you in His Kingdom advancing activities. Just this morning, as I was writing Him only, I remarked about feeling so very much a part of thy kingdom come. I do think that there are places on this earth where the already is far greater than the not yet. And I think I am living in such a place and time. I also think there are places on the earth today where there is very little of the already not actualized at all. [This already/not yet concept may foreign to some and if that is the case, please google it. I have not the energy or intellect (there it is) to explain it.]

But what if everyday, from here forward, we fell asleep reflecting on whether or not the day had been more filled with already or not yet? I like that idea.

But for now, back to Myers Briggs. This book had some great points on how to embrace the strengths in yourself and in others, and help us all to recognize how someone not like us, would like to be treated. It tells us how we prefer to embrace the world, embrace vocations and prefer to make decisions, among other things. If you don’t know your preferences, I highly recommend going to the internet and taking the test for free. You can google that too, of course.

Here’s some personal and perhaps helpful observations from my time thinking on such things:

  • It may be best to adjust your personality preference when talking with a person who you find difficult (or vice versa). Just the facts ma’am. Less is truly more when an ENFP is talking to an ISTJ.
  • Even though you may be a Perceiver (the spontaneous ones), you still may enjoy an organized home, and love to make lists just because you like being productive. You may also be much quicker at decision making than J’s (Judging).
  • And just because you are an extrovert it does not mean you are enjoyable to everybody. Some will find you completely obnoxious.
  • And just because you are an introvert doesn’t mean that you don’t socialize well. Some of my favorite people and closest friends are introverts. (Elisabeth! Share! Julia!)
  • Thinkers can be incredibly kind even though they don’t wear their heart on their sleeve like feelers seem to do.
  • You may have the same MBTI as another yet have a completely different personality. (I discovered that this week, made me giggle, and also made me think, the other person was saying in his head, You got to be kidding, I’m nothing like her?!)
  • If other ENFPs are anything like me, then we don’t have to finish anything well. Or even finish at all. We just stop and move on to something else. Kinda like this blog …

#14 The Question of God by Dr. Armand M. Nicholi, Jr., 2002

I LOVED THIS BOOK!

Can’t tell you how much I loved this book. But, I’m not so sure everyone would love it like I did. Especially if you are an atheist. Spoiler alert: it doesn’t end well for the atheist worldview. Here’s an indication of that from the very first page:

Dr. Sigmund Freud Dies in Exile at 83. New York Times headline.

This book discuses the meaning of life based on the writings of Sigmund Freud and C. S. Lewis.

I’ll admit, I find Lewis hard to read, but reading about him or watching Shadowlands … well, you had me at hello. Perhaps I really am shallow.

While I remember liking Mere Christianity in spots, I never could get through Screwtape Letters or The Great Divorce. A required reading of The Abolition of Man was painful. Really. Even The Chronicles of Narnia have never drawn me in. But I am such a fan when other people interpret Lewis for me. Even a phrase of his can bring me to glorious heights. Like this one:

Everlasting Splendors.

It was John Ortberg however who led me there, when he said something like: We are in the process of becoming everlasting splendors.

That’s what this life, here and now, is supposed to be all about. Preparing us to be everlasting splendors so that we will rule and reign with the Creator of the Universe. Really! No eye can see — or ear can hear — what God is preparing for His children!

Perhaps the reason why I loved this book so much is that it showed me how someone as brilliant as Lewis embraces the truth of Jesus Christ and the Word of God so beautifully and intelligently. I can’t help but think that anyone who reads it would come away “wanting Christianity to be true” even if their minds still found it difficult to embrace.

I don’t like it when the world acts like Christians are backward, un-evolved bumpkins. That’s what Freud thinks of Christians, and if there is a God, he loves to hate him. But the problem with this is that when you choose to ignore or marginalize the God who created you, life loses its intended meaning. It’s often fame and fortune that one seeks to make them happy, and of course it doesn’t, and they end their days on earth filled with cynicism and despair. Yes, I believe that. Call me what you will.


#11 and 12

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#11 50 Things to Do When You Turn 50, edited by Ronnie Sellers, 2005

I was 45 in 2005, when this book was published, which means I probably bought it around the year 2010 when I turned 50.

Never finished it. Never got very far into it. Even though I remember the first chapter was delightful, most of the chapters don’t suggest things that interest me. I don’t want to jump off a bridge. Or jump out of an airplane. I did think I wanted to jump on a trampoline and told my sister the other day that perhaps we could do that when I turn 60. She said, “have you been on a trampoline lately?” I think she may be on to something. I can get motion sickness riding in an elevator now. As a kid, nothing thrilled me more than roller coasters and merry-go-rounds. I do think those day are over. And that’s ok. No need to relive certain thrills.

Perhaps when people turn fifty its when the bucket list begins. But if you’re a woman and turning fifty, menopause happens. It’s real. And for most of my early fifties it was hard. One minute I was fine, and the next was ready to jump out of my skin–preferably into a pool of cool water. I wanted no responsibilities for anyone, not even myself.

This too shall pass.

And it did.

Here is one take-away from the book that came screaming at me when they were suggesting I do something in my fifties that I had no desire of doing:

Don’t just do something so that you can say you’ve done it. I think the world tells us we have to do such-and-such in order to be fulfilled. I don’t think the world has a clue at times.

However. There a some things I’ve done since turning fifty that I do recommend:

  • Be creative. Find your inner-artist. Just yesterday I was getting my taxes done, and the professional doing them said, “let’s see, what shall we put for your occupation? How about artist.” I laughed. Suggested potter, and thought I’d also be pleased with artist.
  • Give away more than you purchase. There have been a couple of years in the past decade where I’ve made a pledge with myself to not by anything material for an entire year. I usually never make it a whole year when my birthday comes around in November, or my aunts visit in the summer. This is sizing up to be another one of those years to be non-materialistic. There is more freedom in this than you may think.
  • Find a ministry you can plug into. Can I just tell you how much I love showing up on Wednesday nights at my church? The joy of the fellowship in our moms’ group is other worldly to me. And, truly, all I have to do is show up. My dear ministry leader packs more into one hour than is always humanly possible, and I get to participate in the best community I’ve experienced in G’town EVER! And I’ve been here 25 years! I imagine even the “cloud of witnesses” are looking in on us wth sheer delight.

And, one final thing that I think can occur almost naturally in your fifties: perhaps we get a little more other-focused. It’s not about us, and we can feel free to walk into a crowded room and enjoy just being there. We finally realize that no one is talking about us, and if they are, we don’t care! We can work on being most comfortable with an audience of One, and realize that He truly is the only One that matters for our emotional well being.

#12 Faithful Women and Their Extraordinary God by Noel Piper, 2005

This book was also written in 2005, the year I graduated from seminary, and now that I think about it, I did have a bucket list. Two things were on it, that I recall:

to run an urban camp and learn to throw pottery.

The urban camp came in the summer of 2011 and quickly became my favorite week of the year. Pottery lessons came about three months after I graduated. Ten years later, I turned Tom’s garage into my clayhouse.

These dreams-fulfilled seem a bit self-indulgent after reading stories of missionary women. These women know a discipline and servant nature that I know nothing of. Several years ago, after reading Amy Carmichael’s story, it had me thinking that I wanted to pray like her–Lord, use me anyway you want–and then she fell in a hole. I took that prayer back so fast, I was hopeful it hadn’t hit the throne of God yet.

Living the American dream has turned many of us, me included, into frogs lounging in warm water. There is no trying to find balance in that. There is only tension.

As my friend said, if grace is off the table, I’m in trouble. (paraphrased) #metoo.

It’s hard not to look at a life lived in total surrender and utter hardship on some difficult mission field serving the Almghty and not think: I could never measure up. There always seems to be some part of my mind that says, “this far God, no farther.” And perhaps that’s because when you are His, you know that life will not be safe or easy. It really is hard to say, “Do anything God, that will fit me for your kingdom.” So, does he require us to be Amy Carmichaels? I don’t think so.

But.

I do think that when you belong to Him, He will take you to places that you thought you didn’t want to go, and once you are there, you are filled with inexpressible joy, and wouldn’t wish it any other way.

The hymn, “Let Him Have His Way With Thee” comes to mind.

His power can make you what you ought to be … his blood can cleanse your heart and make you free .. His love can fill your soul, and you will see … twas best for Him to have His way with thee.


#9 & 10

04 Monday Feb 2019

Posted by in Decluttering

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#9 The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo, 2014

I’m not a fan of stuff. At my age, stuff doesn’t spark joy for me personally. Surely it did as a newly wed, when I thought I would be a forever collector of angels, and copper kitchen decor. Now, getting rid of stuff sparks more joy than keeping stuff. When I see too much clutter in my home, I can easily get annoyed.

Marie Kondo gives me permission to get rid of anything that I don’t love. I think I needed that permission because in the past, there was some inbred need to keep most things until they wore out or broke. Now I find joy in giving things away that aren’t on their last leg, or worn to a thread. In the age of cyberspace, I think it may be time to purge even more after I snap a photo of it!

I am however, married to a man who loves stuff. Not just for stuff’s sake, but because it does trigger some fond memories of his past. Thankfully he is content to localize his stuff in his office. And has allowed me to arrange his stuff in ways that are acceptable to my decluttered sense of well-being. Marie Kondo doesn’t address the problem of being married to a memorabilia collector. But we manage.

I was recently visiting my 70something year old mother. She has stuff. And she really isn’t a stuff-loving person. I don’t think she realized just how much stuff she has accumulated in her life. For example, on her shoe rack hanging on the outside of the door in her bedroom, she has multiple pairs of the SAME shoe–only in different colors. Really Ma!? But she insists that once she finds a shoe that is comfortable; she needs to buy them in every color to match every outfit in every season. I had an absolute ball helping her decluter her video closet and sewing closet while there. I’m starting to think that may be another calling on my life in my final third.

Here’s why I don’t like stuff:

  • It ties you down.
  • You can never find what you’re looking for because you have too much stuff to go through.
  • You have to dust stuff.
  • Someone else could probably use or enjoy the stuff you have tucked away in the basement.
  • When you die, other people will have to go through your stuff.

I remember, one of the most poignant moments in my auction going days was when other people’s stuff–which they probably loved and spent lots of money on at one time–was going for pennies on the dollar–now that they were dead and their survivors didn’t want it. I thought, why not just give it away? But no! We think we need to sell our stuff because surely it is worth something. Can I just tell you how abundant God has been with me in my life? Well, he has. And the idea of trying to sell something I own after it is well used, just sounds a bit stingy to me.

I found this verse in Deuteronomy some time back and thought, this is how I need to deal with my stuff because God has dealt that way with me:

Give generously to them and do so without a grudging heart; then because of this the Lord your God will bless you in all your work and in everything you put your hand to.

There are consequences to being stingy and I want none of them. So my advice, enjoy your stuff, but if you don’t, take great joy in passing it on as soon as possible.

Favorite tips from Marie Kondo’s book:

  • Roll the stuff that you put in drawers (i.e. socks, shirts, dish towels)
  • Group similar stuff together and keep it in one place only.
  • Keep papers at a minimum.

#10 What’s Your Worldview? by James Anderson, 2013

Marie Kondo’s worldview did not spark joy for me. She seems sweet and gentle, but to personify stuff is not my thing, so reading Dr. Anderson’s book right after finishing her book made me very thankful for my own worldview.

He writes, “a worldview is an all-encompassing perspective on everything that exists and matters to us. Your worldview represents your most fundamental beliefs and assumptions about the universe you inhabit. It reflects how you would answer all the ‘big questions’ of human existence.”

Perhaps my worldview may have something to do with why I don’t like stuff. Or perhaps it is just my own personality preferences. Surely there are those who hold similar worldviews–like my husband–who have a fond affection for things. Regardless, this book sparked in me a desire to write out my worldview. Here goes:

I believe in an Intelligent Creator who created an incredibly beautiful Universe, filled with incredibly complex humans–physically, mentally and spiritually. I believe humans are the Creator’s crown and glory of all creation–the one creature he chose to put his own image on. I also believe that this Intelligent Creator is the God of the Old and New Testaments and Jesus is his only begotten Son, who came to earth to live a perfect life and die a horrible death so that humans might be reconciled to our loving, wise and powerful God. I’m ok with not understanding his unsearchable ways. I think he’s ok with me not understanding them too. I also think he is always near, and wholly other. And, he really loves, me, and longs for me to get my act together, which he knows I’m incapable of doing apart from the Holy Spirit’s guidance. We image-bearers are to be training in this life to reign with him in the life everlasting. That can hurt–this training thing–but only for a little while–which we often forget.

I love my worldview and believe it is the only one that enables me to live a joy-filled, contented life.