Monthly Archives: April 2019

#28 Holy Week

15 Monday Apr 2019

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A Violent Grace by Michael Card, 2000.

Michael Card is one of my favorite singer/songwriters. I’ve also often called him my favorite theologian as well. His book about the crucifixion brought a solemness to my soul as I read.

A time to mourn and a time to rejoice. This week surely should include elements of both. These two songs of Michael’s are some of my favorites. May our Holy Week be filled with embracing and remembering the Cross.

Violent yet beautiful quotes from the book:

Of all Jesus’ supporters, only weeping women are left.

If we take the name Christian, we, too, must be recognized by our scars. The visible proofs of crucifixion–not our accomplishments, degrees, possessions, or wealth–will become our identifying marks.

He suffered to serve … The crucified life begins in servanthood … I must warn you that, when we take them as chosen marks of our life, humility and obedience to Christ threaten to change us completely. They will do violence to the old, selfish, superficially promising pursuits that we have mistaken for life. … Out of the beautiful violence of His life will flow a river of grace that will change our world. … Until we allow ourselves to be embraced by this costly grace, we can never know what it means to be completely accepted.


#26 and 27

08 Monday Apr 2019

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#26 Every Thought Captive by Richard Pratt, 1979.

#27 The Renascence by Bob O’Rear, 2018.

The next two books are written by men I know. The first is a professor that I sat under for three classes. One for credit, and two as an auditor. When Richard Pratt speaks, I like to show up. He has a way of making the things of God explosive to my mind–going to places I’ve never thought of–often places I can’t get my head around fully. I can still remember the first class I was in of his–the one for credit. There were 14 of us. Two women and twelve men. I sat right in the middle, with one row of classmates in front of me and one row behind me. Often he would look straight at me and say, Yes? I nodded apprehensively–mostly just so he’d move on and not draw attention to my lack of getting it. He must have noticed my struggle.

I like Richard in a classroom setting. So as his book sat on my shelf all these years, I hoped that all these years of feeding my brain with the things of God and sitting under this brilliant scholar, perhaps I’d start to get it just a little bit better.

I enjoyed the book a lot. Quick. Intelligent. Biblical. Many of the Bible verses he references should be put to memory. And, of course, still over my head. It’s about defending the Christian Faith by using the Bible. I love that. Often we take our cues from non-Christians when defending our faith, and think we can’t use the Bible to defend the Bible. Who says? Human logic? I’ll take the wisdom of God over the logic of humans any day. I do wholeheartedly believe the Bible is true and reliable enough to attest to itself–yet still remains a mystery to me in many spots. Some apologists prefer to go to historical evidence, or encourage a blind leap of faith into Christendom, but Richard prefers to go to the Bible.

Here’s the thing that I love and remember most about what Richard says, we don’t want the God of the Bible to be true because we want to live independently. As C. S. Lewis said: we want to live apart from that Great Transcendent Interferer. There really are people who know the Gospel message but just prefer to reject it, and choose to live without Jesus.

I get it. I too am not a fan of most televangelists. Or the notion that if we only were to present the gospel in just the right fashion–questions like: if you were to die tonight, why should you be let into heaven?–that non-believers would embrace the Gospel of Jesus. I prefer the use of prayer and relationship to convince someone else to believe what I believe. And, of course, if the Holy Spirit is not illuminating their hearts, then all the wisdom in the world becomes foolishness to them. And for the record, I don’t think I’ve ever convinced anyone who was a non-believer to become a believer.

Most of the non-believers who I have a relationship with know what I believe. They know I trust Jesus for my eternal salvation, and seek to live in light of his holiness until I die. They know. And they could care less. They’re happy for me. And they’re especially happy that I don’t beat them in the head with my beliefs every time we are together. I’ll let Jesus take care of that part.

But anyway.

If I had a critical critique of this wonderful book, it would be that there is not the passion to persuade a lost soul to embrace the Faith that I love. Not so sure that if a non-believer reading it, would come away wanting what Christians possess. I could be wrong.

But my next book did have that passion thing I found missing in Richard’s book. It was written by my step-brother, Buddy. He wrote a book about his own personal and intimate walk with Jesus. He wrote about being turned on to Him especially after the Walk to Emmaus. I get this. I went on the Walk to Emmaus too about the same time Buddy did, some 24 years ago and I too was turned on more to the love and lavishness of Jesus. It was one of those mountain top experiences that you never want to come off of. But it was also one that can take you to new heights in Christ, and make you realize that God is able to do immeasurably more in your own life, when you completely surrender to Him.

I think what makes Emmaus work, is they do a beautiful job of combining dying to self and experiencing beautiful communion with God and others. There at the Walk to Emmaus, the love of God is so very attractive. For me, also, it was examining parts of my life that seemed to stop me up from experiencing the flow of grace. For Buddy it was this awakening in his own faith, with Jesus saying, it’s time to get your faith out of the pew and into the world. For Buddy it was falling in love with the things of God. He gives you a list of his favorite verses and his favorite songs–and I love his favorites. I think for Buddy, he knew God in his head all his life, but the Walk to Emmaus brought it down to heart. And ever since then, all that thrills Buddy’s soul is Jesus. It’s a beautiful sight to behold.

I love that Buddy is my brother in Christ as well as my step-brother. I love also that he married Kathy–not only my sister-in-law, but one of the loveliest saints I know up close. Her gift of mercy is a beautiful thing to witness.

Wonderful book. Wonderful brother and sister.

#25 When God Becomes Real

01 Monday Apr 2019

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by Brian Johnson, 2019 – Audible

This latest audible book came to me from a.i. Artificial intelligence.It’s real. It bombards our daily lives. Yet its artificial.

I suppose they call it artificial because there’s not a real person behind the actual sending of a book or product into your personal cyberspace. Surely no human besides me really knows that it comes to me. Just a bunch of algorithms–whatever that is–and there you have it. A new book to explore, or product to purchase all becuase of what you have been looking at on your own screens. Because of my own choices in cyberspace, a.i. thinks I may like this sort of book. So I took the bait and bit. It sounded like a good title based on my own values and beliefs and perhaps a.i. is correct in thinking I might like it.

And then it happened. The Supreme Ingelligence–God Almighty–led me to it the morning I was finishing up last weeks’ blog where I focused on anxiety.

I absolutely love it when I realize God is swooping into my life unannounced — yet always invited — to guide me to my next read — perhaps just to confirm that He’s taking notice. Which by the way is perhaps my favorite attribute of His — he SEES and TAKES NOTICE! I know He cares — for me that’s a given — but sometimes I wonder — God, are you seeing this?

Yes He is.

But anyway. This book was all about one man’s struggle with anxiety — the severest form perhaps — panic attacks. And it was a short book. Four hours. I can do four hours in my sleep. But I did it on my way to Charlotte on Monday to lunch with my friend Kim. She’s never had a panic attack. I asked. Me neither. I don’t think. Perhaps one or two back in my early twenties when I went a bit crazy. Perhaps that counts as a panic attack?

But I don’t have to have one to know that they are real, and you feel like you are about to die. Or embarrass yourself to the point of wishing you were dead. I have been extremely nervous before a talk. Nervous to the point that my body was doing weird things. I didn’t realize that knocking knees was a literal thing, until the first time I gave my Christian testimony in public. It is. And I will never forget the first time I spoke to a group of seminary students and my boss who was the Old Testament professor. My teeth were so dry, I couldn’t get my lips to move down over them. It is hard to talk when your lips won’t close. And I can also recall my first year on staff at my St. Louis church where a staff of 30something went around a table each week to report on their ministries. The closer it got to my turn, the more nervous I got. I was continually in my head, pleading for God to calm my anxious mind and heart. I reckon he finally did — thirty years later. Now when I’m around the table at staff, I actually look forward to my turn, even though I usually have not one thing to add to the conversation. But my pastor has a way of asking me just the right question to get me to pipe up, and pipe up I do. Because here’s the thing: I’m sitting around a table full of loving people.

I think I’m on to something as I prod my own issues with anxiety.

When we don’t feel loved … When we don’t feel safe … When we think people are going to find out we’re flawed … That’s the stuff that anxiety is made of. For me anyway.

And you know, sometimes we are in enemy territory — surrounded by people who are either ambivalent at best or really dislike you at worse. Sometimes we aren’t safe. This world is not safe. It isn’t now and it never was. Not even in the 40’s (that was a shout out to my dear husband). He however, did feel very safe in the 40’s. And always, we are flawed. Get over it. You’ve messed up. You need work. You can do NOTHING–of lasting value–apart from Jesus. John 15 says so, and I believe it. You know what is freeing for me: to tell people right up front that I’m flawed and I know it. Especially when I speak to more than one person at a time. That very thing does a lot to free up my dry teeth and knocking knees.

But anyway.

Back to the book. I found myself getting irritated with the flatness of his voice. He reads it himself. I thought also that this guy wants people to think he’s all that. I got a strong sense that he had a very high view of himself. And I have a feeling that his highly charismatic parents gave him a little too much non-age-appropriate things to think about as a kid. As a child, I still can recall the time I felt like the sky may fall at any moment. It was after a revival preacher spoke on the book of Revelation and the end times, and the thought that locusts were going to swarm in and cover the earth was just a little too much for me to handle at such a young age.

But anyway.

This book. This guy. A guy up to his eyeballs in ministry. His story. It takes him until he is in his late thirties — I believe — to actually get it. He’s flawed. And he needs God to intervene and if God doesn’t intervene, he’s sunk. And he was. Sunk as low as you can go emotionally and physically. Yet doing Christian things. Good Christian things.

Amazing to hear the physical impact that a panic attack can have on your body. It’s not real, yet it is real. Sorta like this a.i. thing the cyber-world has going on.

But anyway.

He couldn’t cope–even though he was driven and talented and endowed with great resources. But as he read his take on conversations and life, I thought to myself, he doesn’t get it! He is really impressed with himself. I found myself not liking him. Until the end. He was starting to get it. Hasn’t arrived yet. But he finally realized that God was drawing this flawed, yet gifted human to Himself.

Come unto me all who are weary.

Brian was going to music — even Christian music — going to medications — going to a therapist — seemingly doing all the right things — but still the panic attacks were unrelenting. And then he started to figure it out — and I believe he started to decrease in opinion of himself, and increase in his opinion of God — and started seeking the Lord Jesus Christ in fresh ways.

Utter dependence.

God will do whatever it takes to get you to the place of utter dependence on Him. For some it takes panic attacks. For all of us, its some sort of addiction that is very real. All of which often leads to a miserable life–apart from God.

But God. There before the Grace of God.

God’s healing power, through his nearness, leads to shalom. I realize this tension of dealing with our own struggles never gets all tidied up in this life. So, until we see the face of Jesus, we shall have to depend on practicing utter dependence. When you start to get that, you start to get it. And then you realize, you haven’t arrived. But there is joy in the journey when you struggle well.