Monthly Archives: December 2014

#34 Three Things to Dwell on in 2015

31 Wednesday Dec 2014

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Ely from 142 ft upWhat if

every day

in 2015

we were to dwell on three things?

God’s ways,

eternity,

and advancing the kingdom of God.

I hope you will stay with me while I break these down.

God’s ways

I don’t even have to get out of bed for this first one. And yet, it’s often the first place I go during my GodTime. Dwelling on God’s ways brings me into His presence. Simply being grateful for the way He does things – the way life unfolds – the beauty of order and perfection – the knowledge that He hasn’t left me or forsaken me – not for one minute. That sort of dwelling. Selfishly, I tend to spend much of my time reflecting on His ways in my life – looking back and seeing his hand – oh how I love that. It’s one of those personal proofs for God’s existence.   Remembering is one of the greatest gifts given to man – and it would be so satisfying to dwell there momentarily each and every day. I think it would change our attitude – change our countenance – change our nature – rejuvenate our mind … the benefits are endless.

Eternity

I love thinking about eternity. I tend to make dates with friends to snow ski most afternoons in the new earth – it’s one of my favorite ways to picture eternity. However, I am sure that my own ponderings about heaven are not nearly as glorious as what it will truly be like. Saints – far more mature than I could ever hope to be – tell me this often, especially when I insist they ski with me at least every now and then.

But there’s something about setting your mind on things above that puts our earthly lives in a better light. So my head goes to questions such as:

What sorts of things could we do daily that would have eternal value?

 I come up with one word: Kindness.  

Practically speaking, wouldn’t it be great to write at least one encouraging note—everyday—in 2015? In this age of internet – this act of kindness is practically effortless!

And last, Advancing the kingdom.  

I love the notion of advancing the kingdom – I also love knowing that God delights in using his daughters to do it. Not that he doesn’t delight also in his sons – but I think some women have a mentality that God uses the men for the big stuff – and us women just get to clean and cook so as to free up our men to do the really important things. With all the modern conveniences this world affords to middle aged women with no children, cooking and cleaning can be done in a fraction of the time compared with just a few decades ago. Microwaves, restaurants, freezers, wrinkle-free shirts … these are a few of my favorite things. Because! they free us women up to advance the kingdom. Kingdom advancing activities are limitless.

When I think about such things, my head always goes back to my twenties when I asked the Lord to use me.

Here’s the story:

One week, while working on staff at Central Church in St. Louis, the Minister of Pastoral Care was on vacation. I forgot that little tidbit of information one morning as I asked the Lord to use me in his service. Of course I was thinking something big and important – something manly perhaps – just kidding – sorta – but anyway, Don Fortson, Sr. was on vacation.

Now, I, as the Assistant to the Pastors, received all of Don’s calls that week.

Can I just tell you, this was not the week I had in mind when I asked God to use me.

The kingdom advancing activities he called me to didn’t feel very kingdom advancing. The first activity I was called to was taking cookies to an elderly shut-in man. His name was Clyde and surely he is in eternity now. He called the church – as a parishioner in good standing – and wanted the pastoral care minister to bring him cookies. So I did. He was grateful and kind. I hope to look him up in eternity.

Then there was Joy. She was not a parishioner – but she lived a couple blocks from the church and called asking if someone could take her to pay her light bill and buy a refrigerator. Joy and I had a yearlong relationship of carting her around St. Louis. I still snicker as I recall her squeezing out the door of her apartment so as not to let me see anything inside. I still wonder what was in there.

And then the last gift that week was Cindy. Her mother called our church telling us that Cindy was on her way to St. Louis to attend Washington University – a California girl with enough money, so it seemed, to fly here but with little else. She had no place to stay, no transportation and knew no one. Cindy was delightful. The Lord was very very good to her and we found her a place in a Campus Crusade dorm near Wash U that was perfect. I sure hope she is advancing the kingdom and remembering how lavish God was to her 27 years ago.

I’ve said it before, but it is worth mentioning again. We never know how the Lord is going to use us to advance his kingdom. But I think he uses us in ways that mature our godly character – and make us look more like Jesus.

So these are the three things I wish for myself and my sisters this new year – dwelling and lingering in places that are far too wonderful to comprehend. Never forget this one thing dear friends, He is able to do immeasurably more than we can ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us.  So let’s get asking!  (cf. Ephesians 3:20)

#33 Trials: Light and momentary struggles

27 Saturday Dec 2014

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Ever since I married the man of my dreams, returned to my Redeemer, Jesus Christ, and allowed his Holy Spirit to invade my entire being (most days I hope!) – I’ll have to say, I’ve led a rosy life. I’m in year 32 if you’re wondering.

That’s not to say it hasn’t come without trials.  And at the time of this writing—I waited to publish this—I am smack in the middle of one of them. It’s bad. Very bad. At least that is how I see it. And it has me questioning myself – and God – with questions like:

Can I really hold up and represent Christ in this trial? … and glorify God? … and have everything that comes out of my mouth be pleasing and loving?

No! I can’t hold up.  I’m not representing Christ well at all.  What is coming out of my heart and mouth is not pleasing or loving.  The “trial” (that’s what I’m calling it) has gotten to me greatly.

So of course I must go to my knees, fall on my face (figuratively of course) and say, I can do none of those things unless God gives me the grace and His Spirit and wisdom to do them. It is times like these—when smack in the middle of the experience—that I realize I can do nothing apart from Christ. It is times like these that peaceful and loving and intelligent words escape me.

And oh how I’d like to say the perfect thing to silence the enemy. But I never seem to get those kinds of words when face to face with the enemy.  Yes, in the moment, I now see my trial as my enemy.

In my head when I am alone, several verses in Scripture come to mind – but then I have to sort them all out–with the help of the Holy Spirit–as to which one best applies to the situation at the moment.

Am I to dust the dust off my shoes and make a run for it? (cf. Luke 9:5)

Am I to ask for powerful words that will cut like a knife into a hardened heart? (cf. Matthew 12:34)

Am I to love the other deeply and let that love cover a multitude of sins? (cf. 1 Peter 4:8)

Am I to turn the other cheek? (cf. Matthew 5:39)

Funny how I can justify what I’m thinking and feeling in the moment with several passages from Scripture. But I’m still left in a miserable state and wondering the best plan for the current trial that has rendered me a complete mess.  The passages like “turn the other cheek” and “love one another deeply” are far from what my heart is feeling.  I’m definitely in imprecatory Psalm mode.

So, perhaps in times like these it is a powerful thing to pray while opening the Word of God with a desperate heart – and let the Word flow over me like a balm in Gilead. Yesterday I went to James – because I really wanted wisdom – God assured me that He gives it lavishly – and yet by that evening wisdom went out the window – So this morning I went to Ephesians 4 – and verses 2 & 3 seemed perfect for my trial and helped my soul.

Be completely humble and gentle, be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the spirit through the bond of peace.

But I don’t feel humble or gentle or patient and have no love for the other.

But I’m not alone in my trial.

My husband – of course is the only calm in this storm at the moment. Can I just tell you how fabulous he is under certain pressures not his own?

And then I called my mom.  That had its soothing moments as well.  She prayed multiple times throughout the conversation, and then as our conversation was about to end she expressed her delight in me in such a way that it had me in a puddle of tears – even now as I write there is this puddle – I must stop – tears are not the thing at the moment – don’t let the enemy see you cry, right?

Yet in this moment, something mystical and otherworldly is happening in my soul. My tears of anger and hurt and disappointment have now turned to tears of gratitude and comfort. Through my dear personal saints and because of God’s love for me, I am able to bear up under the trial. Shalom invaded my heart even though the trial went on.  But it indeed was one of those momentary trials.  And I have to wonder, did it achieve for me a glory that outweighed the trial?  While I don’t see it yet – I sure hope that is indeed the case.

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.  For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.  So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen.  For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.  2 Corinthians 4:16-18

P.S.  This particular trial is now over—I’ve had at least two others since I wrote this one—and I am obviously in perpetual student mode, never mastering any trial—self-inflicted or other-inflicted—and I find even then it’s hard to know what I’ve brought on myself because I have a very unguarded heart.  This also has me wondering – is my heart too vulnerable? – and is there such a thing as being too vulnerable?  Perhaps that’s a chapter in itself.  But if you’re looking for a bottom line from me, this is what I think in the moment—the moment I actually will publish this publicly for the whole world to see if they so choose … our trials really are temporary—at least mine are—and I don’t think I’m atypical.  And God is there—and He provides his word and his children as the necessary tools to get us past any and all of them.  And here’s the thing—they really do produce fruit—perhaps we can’t see it in the moment—but it’s coming—wait for it!  And also, remember this—this is the lesson I’m taking away from it—I need to learn how to deal with messy relationships in a godly fashion.  I’m still a long way off, but perhaps I’m not nearly as pitiful as I was 32 The Endyears ago, just starting out on the journey of grace.  Oh that reminds me, others need this grace from me that I lavish on myself.  And one other thing, there are no formulas.  Stink.