Category Archives: Lessons Learned

Growing through your past

28 Saturday Jul 2018

Posted by in Lessons Learned, Personal Aha Moments, Practicing & Perfecting

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On Wednesday of this week, I had the opportunity to speak to our moms group on anything I wanted to talk about. I chose the topic of our past, and how it effects us in the here and now.   The 3 books that I relied on as I prepared were: Making Peace with Your Past (Wright), The Wounded Heart (Allender), and Instruments in the Redeemers Hands (Tripp).

Here are some of my favorite quotes from Instruments:

“We aren’t just struggling with the horrors of our past, but with how we deal with them. If sin is part of our nature, we will always be dealing not only with our personal history, but with how sin distorts the way we handle it. Help will only come as we deal with our past and our own sin. This is essential because sinners tend to respond sinfully to being sinned against. This is why the only hope for us is a Redeemer. We cannot step out of our sinfulness. We need more than love and encouragement, information and insight. We need rescue. Anything less will not address what is really wrong with us.

“Sin complicates what is already complicated. Life in a fallen world is harder than God ever intended, yet our sin makes it worse. We deal with much more than suffering, disease, disappointment, and death. Our deepest problem is not experiential, biological, or relational; it is moral, and it alters everything. It distorts our identity, alters our perspective, derails our behavior, and kidnaps our hope.

“The good news of the kingdom of God is not freedom from hardship, suffering and loss. It is the news of a Redeemer who has come to rescue me from myself. His rescue produces change that fundamentally alters our response to these inescapable realities. The Redeemer turns rebels into disciples, fools into humble listeners. He makes cripples walk again.

He changes us, he allows us to be part of what he is doing in our own lives.   As you respond to the Redeemer’s work in your life, you can learn to be an instrument in his hands.” That’s the goal in the Christian life, I believe—in the here and now—to be an instrument in the Redeemers hands. But the work that it takes to make us USEABLE instruments, can be hard work. And we simply get too comfortable with our own “sin” patterns, to want to give them up. (paraphrased)

These are my thoughts as I remember Dan Allender’s threefold process for healing your wounded heart:  

We say, Jesus is the answer, and He is – but what does that looked like fleshed out?

How do we “put on Christ” – how do we unite with Christ in his suffering? How do we work out our salvation with fear and trembling?”

  • Honesty
  • Repentance
  • Bold Love

Without Jesus, it is impossible to get truly honest. Our hearts will continue to deceive us.

Without Jesus, there is no one to repent to who has the power to cleanse our minds and hearts and souls.  Without the conviction of the Holy Spirit, we will feel no need to repent.

Without Jesus, we will never figure out how to love others well.

So, with Jesus, what does this threefold process looked like?

Honesty, with Jesus: I think this looks like taking responsibility for the way we sinfully respond to adversity.

Sin destroys right-thinking.

Repentance, with Jesus: We go to him and confess and ask forgiveness for the way we sinfully respond.

Repentance is the most freeing act! We repent, He cleanses. He restores. We may still live with consequences in some measure – but he restores – he doesn’t want us living under the yolk of condemnation. Romans 8:1 says, “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ.”

The main consequence for not dealing with your past is this:

A stunted spiritual growth.

When we continue in this role of victim and blamer, – we can’t see past our noses. It doesn’t just stunt our spiritual growth – it stunts our emotional growth as well. You can possess all the knowledge in the world and still be incredibly UNWISE. Wisdom and smarts are 2 separate things, and without getting real with who you are and who Jesus is, wisdom will not happen. Wisdom comes from the Lord.

When we get honest and repent, we are met with bold love. We are met with mercy and grace and forgiveness.

You are learning “to respond differently not out of your strength and ability alone but through his power and presence. Jesus believes in your ability to accomplish a new way of interacting with others. He wants you to be a new person, to develop the potential God has endowed you with, and to be more effective for the cause of Christ.” [Wright]

“Wounds limit you. They diminish your capabilities.  But they will heal if they are treated correctly.” [Wright]

Wounded people are overly sensitive.

“The gospel makes it possible to escape over-sensitivity, defensiveness, and the need to criticize others.” (Tim Keller)

So!

The question to ask ourselves daily, as we are confronted with hardship and suffering and being sinned against is this:

Am I living in light of the gospel of Christ? When the answer is often no, its time to get honest, repent and love boldly.

Another year older

09 Thursday Nov 2017

Posted by in Lessons Learned

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About this time 58 years ago, I was born.  I hear it was an easy birth.  My mother reminds me that I was an easy child.  No wonder my theme song is “I’m Easy,” by the Commodores. You could take that wrong.  But don’t.

So, while my dearest husband on the planet has a prolonged snooze this morning – I’ve been reflecting on the year.  It’s been wild and crazy.  Yet beautiful and glorious.  I’ve had to pause a few times during my “writing the Lord” and write a few humans just to say thank you.

I wrote my old boss, Ric, who hired me 23 years ago.  I wanted to tell him how much of a God-instrument he has been in my life.  You see, he “ordered” me to take care of two international women – one that came a few years back – and to this day – we are still beautiful friends.  The other came this past spring.  She came from Indonesia – and I  think my former vocation lasted just long enough to bring her into my life.  Both of these women are coming over tonight to help me celebrate 58 —  bringing dinner and a chick flick.

I wrote three friends thanking them for last night.  I enjoyed last night.  I’ll back up a bit:   I had the desire to preach on “holiness” as being God’s will for the life of his daughters.  And my new ministry leader gladly accepted my offer to lead the evening mom’s group.   Now, I thought my birth date was a secret to this new group I’m a part of and I was  prepared to preach my heart out – with the help of God and his prayer warriors.  But then my G’town BFF – being part of the plan – delayed my walk over to the ‘birdhouse’ – where we found it pitch dark.  That should have given it away – but I can be dense.  This new group, that I have grown awfully fond of,  surprised me with singing and cake and silliness.  Our group leader – a former youth director – is filled with silliness.  I turned into my Aunt Vic (I noticed this after I saw the video of my reaction) and was delighted by their thoughtfulness.

But can I just tell you about this group?  They have filled me with joy in the presence of God.  It has provided me with some true intimacy among women this year and has allowed me to be fulfilled in one of the overall desires of my heart – which is to be used in ministry by Jesus.  I’ve written all their names down in my God-letter this day.

Then there’s my church!  Often we humans can focus on how un-Christ-like “the church” can be.  But not my church.  In this season of transition – I can’t begin to tell you how gracious and loving they have been.  To me.  And, to my husband – who still claims “staff status.”  All the pastoral and parishioner visits have brought joy into our home.

Then there is this saint who was in my life back in our St. Louis days. I haven’t written her yet, but I will.  I can’t even write this without tears flooding my face.  She has been to me an instrument in the Redeemers Hands this year.  She stepped in to a tragedy and turned it into a cup of gladness.  She was the one who personified “who can make trouble when You send me peace.”   She showed me that the God I serve is a God who sees and takes notice – and longs to be lavish with his children.

And then there is my studio.  I get to sit at a wheel for several hours every day if I desire – and discover what it means to be a potter.  This week, the Lord showed me one of the biggest requirements/attributes that is needed for a potter.  And it is ‘gentleness.’  I am not gentle.  I ding my bowls with my carelessness  – it happens too often and too quickly.  But it has made me ponder this week just how gentle God is – and has been all year with me.  He has turned my sorrow (over losing a vocation that I loved) into rejoicing.  He has brought me to higher ground.  He has given me a ministry where I am made to feel loved and valued.  He has put a new song in my mouth – that I get to sing and dance to daily in my studio or in my morning sanctuary (which is my living  room).  He has rejoiced over me with such goodness and mercy – and I rejoice in him with thanksgiving and worship.

 

 

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#35 Not getting what we want

24 Saturday Jan 2015

Posted by in Lessons Learned

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It’s January. January 23rd to be exact. And I still haven’t gotten with “the program.” I think my last year’s theme of Rest didn’t cease on December 31 and I am still in rest mode. Yet it is time to move on to another life theme. Because, I realize that God indeed gave me rest for my body and soul, refreshment for my mind and heart, and I now feel quite rejuvenated.

Just last week, I almost bought a new home. The word new may be a bit misleading. The home was built in 1966 and it looked like nothing had been done to the home since the ‘80s. Yes, it was a complete fixer upper – but thankfully my husband and my God had better sense than I did – and I didn’t get what I thought was a desire of my heart. One week later – my BFF reminded me that we should be extremely thankful when God doesn’t give us what we think we want in the moment.

But, oddly enough, the desire to pack up all our belongings and move two blocks down the street to fix up a fixer upper was attractive to me – making me realize it’s time to lean into 2015.

That was the first lesson – rest over, get moving!

I came away from that experience with other lessons, not to mention a renewed gratitude for the cozy home the Lord did give us 21 years ago.

Another lesson from this fun adventure was that I sensed the Lord was telling me: you CAN have that house if you want it, BUT I don’t want you to have it. You see, the house was auctioned off – and my generous husband was the highest bidder – however, the highest bid was not enough for the sellers. We were given the sole opportunity to offer more but that is when we both realized that God was in the midst of our decision and His answer was NO.

[My husband came to the realization that I was looking at too much Property Brothers.]

Having this sole opportunity also made me think that God often says, ok, you can have what you want – but you’re not going to want it later. It was another one of those lessons that He has shown me over and over again in my life: His ways truly are higher than mine.

So, one week later, sitting in my cozy, closed-concept livingroom that was remodeled, floor to ceiling, 4 short years ago, I am experiencing shalom. The kind of shalom I get from realizing that God is watching over me, protecting me from all sorts of things that would seek to rob me of my shalom.

Thank you Holy God.  The nearness of You is my strength.