7.5.2023 | Wednesday
Location: Gaston Memorial Hospital
Our Verse: Same – we don’t know what to do but our eyes are on you.
Current place in the Psalm: Psalm 20 & 21 [perfect timing]
How are you mom?: Fragile (6:45 am)
Thoughts: Indeed she is.
Care: Awesome. From Above (F,S&HS) and Below (GMH).
Oh Lord My God, My mother’s God, She calls you Father. I wonder if I will start doing that when she goes. When my grandmother went, I began the practice of “crossing” myself. I hear I don’t do it correctly, but what do you expect from a protestant.
I will probably take up the tradition of daily communion as well. But I’ll have to throw more communion sets because my mom gives them out like candy. I’m fresh out.
Oh Humans,
I sound flippant perhaps, but I’m sitting here sobbing. Because it really is sad. Surely the joy will come later because it always does. But sadness is ok. Last night, before Boops & I left, mother kept repeating, “it’s ok.”
Backing up.
Yesterday morning when we arrived before 8, it was not ok. She finally had her first rough experience with another human. She looked with shock when we walked in as if to say, “are you here to hurt me too?”
Word of wisdom, perhaps: When your loved one is helpless, watch out who you leave them with. Within minutes we told her nurse to never have that person back in her room. I say we; it was me. I think she took me seriously because that person never returned. I assured her nurse that our experience has been awesome, thus far, and my mom is a lovely & easy patient.
Anyway.
It’s not all roses. But it’s all God.
I’m shocked at how quickly my mom seems to be failing. My sister would love her to be in my home – yet with her shoulder fractured – I’m not so sure that was God’s plan.
I stopped sobbing, btw.
Probably right after I wrote that I was.
So. If you’d like to hear one of the “thin place” moments of yesterday, read on.
[mom got that phrase while on a Mercy Ship in her early sixties; it’s where heaven and earth are very, very closely felt and noticed].
On our morning ride up the elevator, a lovely woman entered with us, and my sister quickly commented on how lovely she was. She told us we were the lovely ones. She lied. But she made us feel lovely. As she got off the elevator before us, she said, I’m a chaplain, if your loved one would like a visit let us know. Boops assured her that I was handling that department, but for some reason, one of us blurted out mom’s room number, 6257.
She came … while we were all alert.
We cheered when she walked in the door. I think she felt lovely and wanted in that moment.
She’s Orthodox. [Her father is famous in the theological world.]
Mom assured Cristina [chaplain] that she was assured she was soon to head toward her eternal home and she had a son there.
More chatting.
Cristina’s next words mentioned Steven, and then said, something like, not sure why i said Steven, not sure if that’s his name.
Us: Yes, Steven.
I assure you that this wasn’t one of those psyche moments from the talk shows. She was almost apologizing for making a mistake saying this name she thought we said. And with my very skeptic brain, I said: we probably said it.
Boops: Oh no we didn’t. (repeat 3 times or more). Mom said, her son.
Anyway.
That was such a moment for my sister.
Tari to Mom: Mom! You know what this is?!! It’s a thin place.
Of course we then had to explain what that was.
But then it was this instant bond, and the four of us brought our personalities and our theologies to the table. What a moment we started having.
You see, Cristina is Orthodox. I said that.
But you see, I’ve never been around an Orthodox person. Of course I’ve binged some on YouTube and I’ve noticed that many protestants who have been wounded by those professing faith seem to be flocking in their direction.
I can see why. She brought a lovely fragrance into the room with her. She didn’t try to convert any of us. She just listened and then offered compassion with uncertainty. She’s coming back today to anoint mom with oil from some place special.
She also brought for me a fresh perspective (see what I did there?) (surely some of you won’t get that) (but I smile nonetheless for those who will).
Anyway, back to this fresh perspective.
Can’t describe it. But I feel it when I see it. This finding another believer in the One True God, and seeing a totally different side of this One True God through their perspective. I indeed was having a thin place moment, basking in her faith. Our faith. Yet it was differently expressed.
She made me want to know more about her “Orthodox religion.” And she shared a lot about it.
Then she was shocked when she saw my iPad wallpaper – the iconic pic of the Trinity while dining with Abraham. (In Genesis. Somewhere. Look it up).
Take Away for me:
I’m tired of hanging my emotions at the door when I walk into certain settings. In the coming days there will be none of that.
Back to the present.
Mom just now: What are you saying?
Me: Nothing.
Mom: sounds like you’re saying “cab.”
Me: that was a dream mom.
Idea: I shall not be putting visions in her head just yet. I will let the Lord do that.
Prayer: Lord, may you be the ONLY one putting visions in her head.
Y’all, I cannot tell you all the people who have reached out with the loveliest things to say about this dear woman. I shall not comment on the comments, unless I decide to. But know that my heart is strangely warmed by every word of gratitude.
We are still practicing gratitude. I think she is finishing well.
One more sweet one: When her piano student, neighbor and all-around beloved young’un called yesterday, mom said to Mykayla: I’m loved by a 15 year old.
It’s ok. We don’t know what to do, but our eyes are on Him.
feel free to share your comments here, if you’d like to share them with others. They are always welcome. My blog is not private. I’m not private. I enjoy transparency the older I get.